Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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