he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
