dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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