my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize