i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
