You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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