you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
