I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
