The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
