i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
