My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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