Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
