discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
