Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
whose ass print is on the piano?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
