Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
