Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
