Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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