You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
