I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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