so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
