if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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