Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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