got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
