Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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