No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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