Who did Billy Mays play for?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
