Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
