Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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