theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
