How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
