she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
