I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize