Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize