Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
