Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
