i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
