Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
