I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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