I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
