Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Come on in and take your pants off
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