then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it because I queefed?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
