I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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