if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
