Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize