took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
