For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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