Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
