Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
