just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
