It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
