you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
