I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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