Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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