I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
