Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
