No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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