On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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