i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
