So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
