God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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