I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
