He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
