Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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