better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
