Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
