Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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