Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
