I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
